


Dan and Rick and Danni

by WeabooCreature



Category: Rick and Morty
Genre: Gen, Self-Insert, all plationic, and hes fuckin hard for rick so, burr-ito thats him bc i forced him to like this show, but later chapters some lewds are gonna happen, god this is so silly, they go fUCK, theyre gonan fuck later, this is all for dan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-01-31 05:25:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12675288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WeabooCreature/pseuds/WeabooCreature
Summary: Danni (me) finds Rick in her room and they go to Serbia to get dan (burr-ito) and they go travel and yeah don't read if you dont wanna see self inserts





	Dan and Rick and Danni

“No n on on o, see, Dan, that’s- that’s what you don’t get.” I stopped Dan mind way through his sentence, angrily tapping away at my keyboard as I read over past messages to prove him wrong. 

There was a loud sound over the line. “Oh PLEASE enlighten me on how fast Rick could get his dick wet in his old age.” 

I paused. “I mean.. When you say it like that I don’t wanna explain it.” 

Before I could get a word in he had started going on a tangent about how Rick couldn’t do anything to which I wanted to call him out for because I was the writer of the two. If I wanted to make Ricks dick get hard in .0000002 seconds that that’s going to happen. Suddenly there was a strange sound coming from my living room. My god started barking and I sat up quickly on the bed. What the fuck. 

“Danni? You still there?” The voice came through my headphone and I messed with my fingers, not really wanting to check but also wanting to know that I wasn’t going to fucking die. 

“Y.. Yeah uh, There was a sound from my living room but I didn’t hear the door open so I’m uuhh. I’m not sure gonna what to do.” My voice came out a whisper, playing with the headphone wires and pacing a bit in a circle. 

The like was silent and I pressed my ear to the door in hopes it hearing nothing so that it could have been all my imagination. There was the faint sound of feet on the floor which made me freak out. “Dude I’m gonna have to call you back because I don’t want you to hear me being brutally murdered.” 

I hung up before he could say anything and I dropped my phone. Opening the door seemed to prove to be the wrong thing to do when my dog ran out. “Oh fuck- Miley no come back-” Her barks seemed to be farther from my room and I crouched down. 

At this I was really wishing that I would have just stayed in place. I nearly choked when I heard a voice coming from the kitchen. 

“Wh- What the fuck?? Jesus Christ I hate yappy things like you. Just- Just sniff me already.” The voice seemed oddly familiar. 

I didn’t even notice that she had calmed down while my mind was racing. Did.. Did Justin Roiland sneak into my apartment and talk to my dog in his Rick voice? My hand went to my phone and I was about to call the police before anything else weird happened. 

“Hey kid, I’d put down that phone if I was you.” The voice came from in front of me and Miley ran towards me. I stood up quickly and held her, staring at the man and his dazed bored eyes. 

What shocked me the most was that the guy looked the spitting image of Rick Sanchez if he was you know real. Before I knew it I was in my room with the door locked and in the closet, hiding away from whoever the fuck that was typing away at my phone with the police already called. 

I heard knocking at the bedroom door until a loud cracking sound and I knew he had kicked it down. “Holy shit this can’t be happening.” By now I was panicking and sending Dan rapid fire messages on what to do and final goodbyes because there was no way I was going to survive this. 

There wasn’t many other places to hide in my room so it was only a matter of time before he found me. “Listen kid come out and hand me that phone before you do something you regret.” Oh god that doesn’t sound good at all. 

Slowly I got out of the closet to see the man with his hand out to me. I put the phone in his hand and couldn’t help but get annoyed when he was going through it. 

“Are you not going to kill me..?” I finally asked. 

He didn’t bother to look my way. “No. That would be pointless. My interest here is what you and you silly friend has been saying about me.” 

“And who are you.” 

And just like some jackass from a movie he looked at me with a cocky grin. “Rick Sanchez. Intergalactic genius and the person who you can’t seem to stop talking about.” 

He then made his way out of my room and back to the living room to which I followed. My head hurt. A lot. 

“Wha- No you can’t! Rick is a cartoon character! I mean, you look old enough to be sixty something and uh you do sound like him but!! There’s no way.” 

He groaned. “Li-Listen kid, I don’t have time to hear you talk to damn much okay? Jus, just fucking follow me.” He pulled out his portal gun from his coat and opened a portal. I stood there, not knowing what to do or say. 

Nothing made sense at the moment but I was snapped back to reality by Rick. “I’ll explain later. Let’s just get you and your stupid friend then we can go on some adventure. You know, like the show.” 

I nodded dumbly, walking behind him through the portal. And then we were in some world or country or maybe some different universe. 

“It’s a country on your planet. Stop thinking so much and be thankful I’m even taking the time out of my day to do this.” His eyes were fixed back onto my phone and it looked like he was going through my messages.“ 

Gasping I reached up to grab my phone from him only to have him raise it. “Ah ah, I have the right to.” 

“No you don’t! Just cause I talk about you dick doesn’t mean you go through my stuff!” 

Once the words came out I felt dumb. “E-Exactly. And from the looks of it, you also like to make me into some sugar daddy. Sorry but that’s some other Rick.” 

I felt the slightest bit embarrassed. So far it seemed like we were just walking to nowhere. “Why don’t you stutter that much? Or burp, like, at all?” I asked, looking up at him because holy hell was he tall. 

Rick shrugged. “Grandson died from overdose and then I was blamed, got kicked out, went through depression yadda yadda and now I’m cleanish.” 

“Your Morty died?” He nodded, scrolling through the messages faster now. It seemed to be a sore spot so I didn’t press too much even though I wanted to. 

“And you came here because..?” He turned a corner sharply making me trip a bit, bumping into his back and scrunch my nose up. Yeah that’s Rick alright. An asshole. 

Rick shrugged. “The Citadel of Ricks saw a peak from mentions of Us in your dimension so they sent me to go check it out. It was either you or some other chick who wants to fuck me in some gross albeit hot ways. Your friend seems to also like us so that’s a bonus on your part, congrats on converting him into being an old man fucker.” 

This was a lot of information to take in all at once. My feet staggered against the pavement as I walked, brows furrowed and trying to regain my balance until I bumped into him. He stopped walking to place a hand on my shoulder, crouching a bit to be at my level and never before in my life have I ever been so close to a unibrow. “Alright kid-” 

“Danni not kid,” I corrected. “Thought you would have known by now since you’ve been snooping through my stuff.” 

He rolled his eyes. “Okay Danni, we’re not going on some Rick and Morty adventure. All I’m gonna do is take you two to some safe pretty planet a-and see the local flora and fauna. No deaths. Hopefully but uh, you know, shit happens.” 

I couldn’t help but laugh and he grinned, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and shaking me some, making me laugh more. “There’s a happy face! Alright let’s go get that friend of yours and then food or some shit.” 

A few minutes later we were in a neighborhood. Taking out the portal gun once more, taking us inside an unfamiliar room. In the room was a person laying down on their bed grumbling as they played with a pen and stared at a drawing tablet. 

“Are.. Are we in another version of Earth or..?” What was happening didn’t sink in yet. He groaned, arms sagging dramatically. “No dumb dumb. We’re at your friends house. Fuckin uh, what’s his name?” 

I gasped!!!!!!!!!!!!! “Dude holy shit.” 

We both stared at each other for a few seconds before Rick cleared his theist, nudging me to Dan and I grinned, rushing towards him to pull him into a big hug. 

“Um??” I pulled away after a bit, looking him over and bouncing on my feet. 

“Well fine don’t say hi to me fuck.” I teased and he smiled sheepishly. 

“Im happy you’re here but like. How did you get here? And who is that??” He pointed to Rick who crossed his arms over his chest gestured for the both of us to follow him into a portal. Dans eyes widened at this and screeched, standing far away from him. “No way I’m going in that! Danni, why did you bring him here??” 

“He showed up at my house and just took me with him! Rick didn’t even ask might I add.” I glared at him and he rolled his eyes and stepped into the portal. 

We both just stood there. Normally I would have been freaking out and talking to Dan like we would when we talk over calls but right now we were both more concerned on what was happening. Honestly, I would have just let Rick go off and stay here where it was safe so we wouldn’t die but then ago a flight back home would cost much more. 

With a heavy sigh I turned to him, messing with the sleeves of my sweater. “Wanna go? He kinda only came over here cause we uh,” Jesus fuck. “Cause we uh, you know, talk about his dick. And stuff.” 

He looked at the portal then back to me, a nervous smile on his lips and nodded before stepping in with me by his side. “Watch and see Dan, this is gonna be way more fun than you 

hanging out with your girlfriend.” I teased, looking around the pastel alien planet that was filled with flowers and fruits. Whoa. 

Dan rolled his eyes though seemed just as excited as I was to do discover more about this planet. “Yeah I could be kissing her right now and doing something lewd like holding her hand but instead I’m with Rick Sanchez on some tumblr girls pastel dream.” 

Rick groaned loudly. “Can you two, I don’t know, shut up. I’m-I’m showing you something that you’ll never get to see ever again in your life since this is a one time thing. Go skedaddle, try not to get yourselves killed, no eating blue apple looking things with a green worm, and I’ll grab us some drinks and the uh, _convenient_ convenience store.” 

We both looked at each other before sprinting off into the miles of pastels. It took at least ten minutes before we were being chased by a baby blue spider crossed with a lion yelling out for Rick to save us. 

* * *

Dan sat on the couch, hands resting between his legs not really sure what else he should do. Here he was in the house he had seen on tv knowing everything that had happened from the show and the strangest thing he had seen happen so far was the sight before him. Even worse was that he wasn’t even surprised that it it was Rick and Danni. 

Rick was currently laying on the floor with his head leaning against the couch with Danni’s glasses clipped to the collar of his shirt, a wine bottle at his feet and drool coming from his lips. A half empty cup was also in his hand that Morty didn’t seem to want to take away. Rick was probably either going to throw up in it or drink the rest - Whichever came first. His rolled up sleeves, while hot to Dan, make him look even more like a disheveled drunk. 

Danni was spread out over the loveseat with that stupid hat still hanging off her head that she had found lying around some alien plane. He sighed, flopping down on the couch as he waited for them to wake up. He eyed the inside pockets of Rick’s lab coat, tempted to grab it but even if he did he wouldn’t know how to use it then he would end up leaving Danni here though she would probably like that. 

”I want to go home.” He slumped back against the couch, surprised by how soft it was compared to how it looked and flinched when he saw someone standing a few feet away from him. 

”Me too.” Morty then took a seat besides Dan, turning the tv on. 

Dan was frozen in place. It was weird knowing that a grown ass man in his dimension voiced this fourteen year old kid. Or was he fifteen? Sixteen? Dan didn’t know, he watched the show to oggle Rick. 

”Oh, I thought this Rick didn’t have a Morty.” Dan quickly realized how that must have sounded and nearly had a heart attack. “Not that there’s anything wrong with you being here of course!” 

Morty snickered and waved him off. “Don’t worry. He isn’t my Rick, mine is off somewhere so your Rick is letting me crash here until he comes to pick me up.” Morty explained and it was only then that Dan noticed that he looked a little different than the Morty on tv. 

This Morty had his hair slicked back, a bit more put together like he wasn’t as much of an anxious mess as he really was. The eyebags were what threw him off though that might have been whenever he had seen Morty it never looked like he had any blemishes. Eyebag Morty seemed insulting so he would have to come up with a good nickname later. 

”Dude lower that fucking tv.” Danni said in a groggy voice as she rubbed her face, slowly sitting up on the chair and slouched over. “Dan lower that tv or else I’m gonna cry.” 

Seconds later Rick was sitting up as well as he wiped away the drool from his lips, cringing at the smell and pushed the bottle of alcohol away, feeling sick. He felt over his chest before snickering and handing the glasses to Danni. “Believe these are yours.” 

”Was wondering where those went.” Danni cleaned off the lenses from smudged and put them on. 

”Close encounter of a full blown make out session.” Dan said, crossing his arms. 

Danni stuck her tongue out at him. “Shut up nerd, you’re the one who said you wanted Rick to fuck you from one of those gross glory holes in a bathroom.” 

”I did not!” He did. 

Rick cleared his throat. “You did. You had even sent that to Danni before.” 

” **You let him read our messages??”**

Danni shrugged. “He took my phone away from me.” 

”Fuck this Rick take me home I have to leave this is too much.” 

Rick grabbed Danni’s arm, tugging her along. “Alright Alright. Morty I’ll be back don’t fuck shit up.” 

Once back at Dan’s place Danni nudged Rick to him. “Don’t worry bud, maybe on the next adventure we can find you a Rick to do all those things to. You just want that old dick don’t you. No worries though because I’m sure there’s like, plenty of Rick who would line up to fuck you” 

Dan screamed.

* * *

some art this loser spoils me with which pretty much is how the ending sequence is supposed to look like

**Author's Note:**

> anyways this might not have turned out to be the best but i wanted to make something for my friend bc hes the greatest and draw me shit all the time and all i can give back is some shitty writings and lewds so here. dont take it seriously its supposed to be silly n for him to enjoy


End file.
